NEVER SO MUCH

NEVER SO MUCH

she never so much
as gave me a glance
in the philosophy class
the entire year

reading Huckleberry Finn
to shut out
the ultimate boredom
of every lecture
(surely it
begs all
    sorts of questions
a philosopher so dull
he kills
  philosophy itself)

but don’t worry
not going to bore you
I have flashed
forward
fifty

and here I am
       again wondering
how I killed it all
when
  she just
wanted love
          needed me
to love her

dreaming the says it all dream
flowing out of our
sudden
    unexpected
perhaps final
exchange of messages

in
which

she picks me up
in her old beige
Datsun
    taking me
somewhere special our
final
   trip together

and My God! this little
ancient car
of yore has
      been Star-Trek supercharged
roars out onto
De Waal Drive heading
away from the University
somewhere
    she will
not say

and now
  to cap it all
this car has reclining black leather bucket seats
into which by
the G force
I am instantly
    backwards thrown

last but
    no way least
the old manual stick has gone
replaced by
mighty
   automatic transmission
and
  most strange big neon red
numbers on a strip with
gear selection
or
   ultimate speed
clear and
conspicuous demarcations

the last of which
          the one burning into
my brain
    is 72
         a big fat red 72
as if be
sign of
  some significance
of my 72nd birthday

but I’m cool
      the dream is cool
beyond
cool

and here dawn and day’s
reality quietly
ends it