satire – Page 32 – poems 2 die for

RIGHT AS SHE BLOWS

Human rights
human rights

you have to squint
through a microscope

to get the gist of where
she is coming from
in her text
on human rights

Oh my humongous Suella
Sulla Braverman Braveheart

you will stand by your principles
fight for them lie
for them
kill and almost
die for
them (not
really, but it rhymes)

and rhyme is good
and euphemism too
and repetition
a zillion times

uncovering the frustrated
inner poet in you
(not that you would
ever stoop to elegy
not
the job of
Home Secretary)

to bewail
lost migrant lives.

DOLLDRUM

we have drifted
we have drifted

an accursed mariner
at the till

we have drifted
into a patch of dead sea

our island settling
somewhere
between Shakespeare’s
garden and Eliot’s Wasteland

as droll and dyspeptic
a dolldrum as
ever can be
zombified
from head to toe

the specter that shadows
our humanity

FLAMETHROWER

got job as
gardener

put a flamethrower
and (Zyklon-B
out of stick)
gallons of
agent orange
in my hand

can’t believe what
happened to this garden:
not a single rose
red or white to
fight
hack to death over

what the Hell since
my ancestors invaded
has happened
to this place?

Oh they brought you silk
they brought you cotton
brought you
Asian and African wisdom

brought you Rolling Stones
Kinks Zeppelin
and Beatles
(same river
wound its dark way
past our homes)

and now I must massacre
weeds to save
the bowling green surface
recite Prufrock under
the collapsed
gazebo

once walked the streets
with Swift and Pope from
Ashton to
Rusholme

once
       when the youth stuck a
big fuck you
    through lips and nose
deconstructive style
               meaning anarchy baby

death throes felt
       that we all must
             surely see

fuck you-s through

TIME WAS

Gary
is out
of step

time was
he used
to dance
around
defenders

but not these
defenders
gatekeepers
of the realm

nothing
gets past them

he shall not
pass or dribble
through them

the refs have given them
absolute right
to hack him down.

ONE ONE

Gary has scored!
Gary has equalized against
this team from the thirties
he spun, hit his shot and
it went in on
the rebound after
taking a deflection

but now they say
he should stick to
punditry, stick
to scoffing crisps

and they want the goal
disallowed, they demand
a recount
insist there must
be a referendum
on the decision from VAR

so Gary’s goal will be disallowed
and what sinks must carry on sinking
there are wave machines
to sort this out
and full fan hatred
shouting singing.

RABID

the rabid ones
Pavlov’s charmed children

the colour of their blood
indeterminate

all cloned to recite
ad nauseam the same
sad soul-destroying
excuse
for a human idea

FIRST STRIKE

aliens havs taken control
of Parow library

they are using their plasma
weapons to take out
all the poetry
classic novels and
books of philosophy

there were
not so many
but all are now gone

this alien high command
circling the northern suburbs
in their mothership
are openly
celebrating as
a titanic victory

the human race needs
to be even more unread
dull unimaginative
and stupid

to become the compliant
servants and slaves
the great
alien think tanks
are convinced we can be

ODDS ON

bet you
don’t encounter
too many wobbly
xenomorphs
out there

coming here to conquer
and convert you
teach you
the truth
of their
unbalanced philosophy

so many equivalences between
our worlds and cultures

including our deep
religious faith
in four-
lane highways and
reality
TV the black hole of

consumption we
were created to be

THE GODS OF FOOTBALL

the gods of football
turned against us

they scripted our defeat
up there, in the stars

No. They didn’t.
I checked with them
and they swore that
they hadn’t bothered to watch
were much
more interested in
the Burrow/Mahomes match up

than teams committing suicide
via the failed execution
of a diabolically bad plan

MUPPET

as Niner fans go
I’m a real muppet
(must be one
to think we would
get
to the Superbowl,
the fourth quarter
of our
last visit
firmly behind us)

so call me a muppet
— go on, trumpet that truth
(truth of
your perspective
as you
limitedly see it)

leave me in my cuddly
muppet comfort zone
believing my eyes
and the logic
of analysis

so many fans here bandying
it around
at every opportunity:
muppet muppet muppet

were that they
could have such charm,
wit and
be that
cuddlesome
(or meet
a muppet of
power that might
tear
off their heads)